Misinformation or ongoing critical comments expressed to a child contribute to low self-esteem in that child. Many individuals struggled with self-esteem throughout their childhood and adolescence due to neglect, physical abuse, or critical parenting prevalent in their homes. Demeaning messages such as “you’re a problem,” “you’re unworthy” or “you’ll never amount to much” permeate a child’s psyche.
A child raised in a neglectful and abusive home repeatedly hears negative comments or messages that assault a sense of self. Too young to understand that this abuse is a projection of the parent’s pain, the child accepts the messages as being valid. These negative comments live on in the individual’s psyche until the messages are consciously challenged and changed.
Parental critical barrages of negative messages to their child are often generational. The parent or caregiver conveys what they were taught and projects them onto their children. It’s vital to remember each of us is born worthy, lovable, and acceptable. While you may have a different background, talents, or interests than others, you have as much value and worth as any other person.
These negative messages can last into adulthood unless there are challenges to those messages. Without intervention, unresolved assaults on your self-esteem are likely to become your belief system about yourself and the world around you. Due to abuse and neglect, adult survivors are likely to develop a limiting belief system about themselves. Some of these beliefs often include internal conversations such as:
• I’m not good enough
• Things never work out for me
• I’m not very creative
• I’m not (talented, intelligent, friendly)
• It (something positive) never happens to me.
• Others wouldn’t like me if they knew me.
• I shouldn’t want more in life.
• I don’t deserve (love, success, money, recognition).
• I can’t depend on others to be there for me.
The study of neuroscience has identified the link between your thoughts and how your brain functions. Negative self-talk develops unconsciously and becomes chemically wired in your brain. The synaptic connections in your brain are changed by what you think and speak. Like the grooves on a record, the more frequently you have negative self-talk, the more engrained that message is in your brain.
Having been bombarded with negative messages from parents or caregivers consistently throughout childhood, many individuals continue telling these painful messages to themselves. Your brain accepts all the messages you receive, whether positive or negative. But unfortunately, your brain doesn’t know the difference between a “truth” and a “lie.” Thus, these messages result in you believing things about yourself that you tell yourself most often.
Research has shown that the brain’s neuroplasticity––its ability to continue to change itself – continues throughout your lifetime. The most crucial process necessary to wiring or re-wiring your brain is repetition. When you repeat positive messages frequently over time, your brain begins to form new neural connections. These messages start to connect with the immense neural networks of your conscious and unconscious mind.
Even if you have negative messages that have been wired into your brain for years, you can change or reverse them. Because of the brain’s plasticity- its ability to change- it does not take years to erase or replace them with positive messages. Changing negative messages to positive ones can occur in only weeks, not years. The key to progress is a repetition of positive messages to yourself.
So, what is the process for changing your negative self-talk with positive messages? First, know there is an abundance of books, audios and videos online to help with altering your thoughts.
· Monitor your current self-talk. Note what you are thinking as well as what you are saying to yourself. The purpose of this step is to help you become more mindful of your self-talk. Becoming aware of what you think and tell yourself assists you in changing your self-talk.
• Edit. Each time you catch yourself telling yourself something negative, tell yourself to stop. When alone, it is preferable that you state these positive messages out loud. Then replace the negative thought or statement with a positive one. You are re-wiring your brain with positive information about your environment, others, and yourself with repetition.
• Listen to positive self-talk. The brain learns positive self-talk the same way it learns a new language. Listening to recorded positive self-talk messages for 10 to 15 minutes a day can help you begin this change process. Repetition is critical to your learning process. When you listen to these new and positive messages, your brain will start to override and replace the dominant, negative self-talk messages in your brain.
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